More on my mind

Welp, this round of radiation is finally over. I just realized that in the past six years, I have had 37 radiation treatments. No wonder I am glowing. Hahaha. I have a little break for a while now. My next step is to have radio-surgery on August 3rd. I am feeling some anxiety about this. It is a one day thing, they will screw the halo on to me and radiate a 4cm tumor on my brain. The halo will make it so there is no room for error. I will not be able to move at all so they don't radiate healthy brain tissue. Apparently, it can take up to 3 weeks for radiation to fully work, so I am not sure when I will have scans to compare before the radiation. I will have an MRI next week for the radio surgery, and I am not sure if they will compare that or not. I had two seizures today. I thought they would stop by now, but apparently that isn't part of the plan. The doc added another seizure med which makes me super tired. It kinda stinks being tired all of the time, but I have great family and friends that are helping and making sure the kids still have a fun summer!
I saw a neurologist last week regarding my seizures. He confirmed that I have short term memory loss for sure. And he didn't have much else to say about the seizures. They are most likely caused from brain swelling from radiation. They are small and considered to be coming from the motor skills part of the brain.
So, I have done a little research about cancer. It seems that all of dictionaries describe cancer as tumor growth that can spread, but the thing that got me was that the word evil was used frequently to describe cancer. I think it is all perspective! 10 years ago, I never thought that cancer would run my life. I know that is not a good way to look at it, but it seems that all of my conversations are about cancer, sickness and how difficult it can be. I think that God has a plan for us and this is the path that was chosen for me and my family. I know that there are people that read this because they are effected by cancer (one in every five people are diagnosed), and I just want them to know that this is not a death sentence, it is not a curse, it is not a plague. This is a struggle, challenge and it can teach you a lot about life. We should always live as if it were our last day! Please remember that as life's circumstances change, so do our relationships, our friends and our perspective. Through this fight, I have lost friends but made new ones. I have lost hope but found stronger hope in other places. Don't get me wrong, I am human and I do wonder why sometimes, but I never give up. It is easy to get depressed when you are labeled with a disease like this and it is okay to get upset, but if you keep your focus on God and have faith knowing that He will use this for His good, it will be easier to fight.
I do have a tumor in my lung that will be radiated, but then I will try to be medication free for the first time in 6 years. I will be taking a break. Please don't think that I am giving up. Most cancer patients feel like crap because of the meds, not because of the cancer. It will be a short break, but I just want to feel normal for a while.
Please keep praying, but keep others who are battling this in mind too. Everybody has a hurdle to get over and I kinda think I am almost over this one! Again, thank you so much for your love and encouragement! You don't know how much that helps me get through the rough days.
I will update again after my radio-surgery.
I love you all!

Heather